I finally joined Tinder a few months ago. I won't lie, I have thoroughly enjoyed swiping left, right and seeing who's out there. Most of the messages I've received have been nothing short of lewd. Therefore, when someone messages you something somewhat genuine on Tinder, there is a sigh of relief. Pathetic, I know but this is the world we live in now.
I started chatting with someone on Tinder. He messaged me first and didn't make suggestive remarks. We also had mutual friends which gave me solace. When he asked to meet, I said to myself, "oh what the heck - why not!". For obvious reasons, I will not reveal his name however let's just refer to him as Juan Pablo (since he seemed just as douche-y as the most recent Bachelor)
Juan Pablo and I made plans to meet at a coffee shop this afternoon. The first encounter can be awkward but I was relieved he looked the same as in his photos. As we waited in line to order coffee, he asked me a question to which I promptly answered which was then followed by silence for about 10 seconds...
STRIKE 1: Juan Pablo asked me to repeat myself because he was still engaged in the conversation he had just had at brunch and basically tuned me out. Okay then.
We sat down and started chatting. One of the first things that we, excuse me, HE talked about was his romantic history. Juan Pablo continuously talked about his ex-girlfriends. I'm no dating expert but isn't there some kind of cardinal rule in place where you don't talk about exes on the 1st date? I'm okay with a mention here and there but not as much as he did. That would be STRIKE 2.
It was a rather boring conversation. I asked most of the questions. Juan Pablo judged me for being a shopaholic. He said he couldn't get that out of his mind and that shopping actually doesn't provide happiness. Um, yes it does. He equated shopping to a quick fix from drugs after which he asked me if I did drugs, in particular MDMA - I don't even know what that is.
Juan Pablo came off completely spoiled. I kid you not, at one point he said, "the wealth, the life, the loves, everything I have, I didn't earn or don't know if I deserve. It just came to me." STRIKE 3. I cringed in embarrassment for him.
A half an hour into our "date", Juan Pablo decided he was over it and said he was going to take off in 10 minutes to avoid wasting either of our time. Fine, I respect it and to be honest, he relieved me. However, he ruined it for himself when his follow up comment was, "hey, at least you got a free coffee!" Oh thanks - how gracious of you. STRIKE 4 - and that's not even allowed!
Toward the end of the coffee outing which didn't last more than 45 minutes, Juan Pablo told me he doesn't even know why he's dating since he is still completely hung up on his ex-girlfriend. On his way out, he hugged me and said "Sorry, I wasn't a better 1st Tinder date experience." Ya, me too.
Take away points:
I am not mad at Juan Pablo nor am I bitter about how badly our date went. In fact, I feel bad because he's clearly still hurting and pining for his ex. Anyone who has been through a break up knows that that pain is indescribable and overpowering.
I don't expect to find love after every date and I don't expect everyone to fall in love with me. I also realize I've been looking for love in the wrong place. However, I am genuinely worried for the females of my generation living in cosmopolitan areas. Especially in a transient city like Boston, there is a never ending supply of beautiful, young, intelligent women which lead men to never want exclusivity with someone. On top of that, you have apps like Tinder which somehow gave men the leeway to approach you like a hooker. Attraction has become a very fickle concept because the next girl is just a swipe away. Maybe I need to move to Kansas... Ciao!