In the same breath that I was warned about hair loss, I learned that sterility was also a possible side effect. It was Saturday, December 12th. I left the clinic in a complete daze. I couldn't formulate words or process feelings or thoughts - I was bewildered. I didn't know how to accept and understand such heavy information, so I went straight to the mall, my happy place. But I'll tell you that that sentence haunted me for days...
On Sunday, I began researching the chances of fertility being affected by the new drug. On Monday, I frantically called clinics all over the Greater Boston Area to see where I'd be able to get a consultation asap since I had a very short window of opportunity. On Tuesday, I received a call from Amanda at Boston IVF who patiently listened to my situation. She called me back moments later after having made arrangements with Dr. Ryley who graciously agreed to come in extra early the next morning to get the ball rolling.
It was 6:30 am, still dark out. I anxiously walked over to the clinic (conveniently located within walking distance of my apartment!) not knowing what to expect. I met Dr. Ryley who is the kindest, most patient physician I've ever worked with. He listened to my story, understood my needs, thoroughly explained the egg freezing process, and strategized a plan based on the given timeline.
I left the clinic that morning feeling...different. Out of nowhere, I felt a burst of maternal instinct; my priority became to protect my unborn child from everything I've been going through. I welled up out of relief and feeling unconditional love for someone I've never met. <3
THE BABY-MAKING PROCESS:
Start birth control beginning Cycle Day 1. Stop CellCept [an immunosuppressant that was prescribed to me for life]. End birth control starting Cycle Day 8. Expect another menstrual cycle. Self-inject hormones beginning Cycle Day 4 every night for 11 nights. Get early morning blood work and ultrasounds every other day during that 11 day period. Self-inject Lupron within 36 hours prior to the retrieval to trigger the process. Get your eggs frozen. PHEW!
Besides the physical ramifications, this whole baby saga's been an intense emotional roller coaster. I've been juggling all kinds of feelings for the past month. I feel lucky because freezing my eggs was an option that some women don't have access to. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel sadness during all this too. As a young woman, you envision your personal life pans out the way society has conditioned us to believe is ideal: fall in love, get married, have children and so on. I never imagined that I'd have to make decisions about my future children at my age, under such circumstances while SINGLE!
I've been "sick" for six months now and let's be real, I've been through A LOT. But this last month has been the most draining month I've experienced thus far due to a combination of the grueling treatments and the process of harvesting my eggs. Truthfully, the only motivating factor that kept me plowing through was knowing that the end result would be a child in my future. I ADORE children and have always known that I wanted to be a mother some day. Now that this is out of the way, I can rest easy and start the new treatment plan next week knowing my baby will be okay.
PS. I can't wait til I can guilt trip my kid when he/she is a d-bag teenager and say "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO HAVE YOU!" LOL - is that evil? Yeah, maybe. ;) xx Flower
Thank you to everyone at Boston IVF - you all have been so kind to me and I'm grateful to have met you. Thank you for making this as seamless as possible for me.