Sumaira Flower

Sumaira Flower

March 08, 2015

Reacquainting Myself With... Myself


Of everything I've been put through, the absolute worst was being on Prednisone (steroids/Satan's Tic Tacs). While they treat many ailments, these little white devils don't come without some unpleasant side effects...


Let's start with the physical aspect shall we? Depending on the dosage and duration, one develops something commonly known as "the moon face". Believe me, it's not as sweet as it sounds - you look like you have cotton balls stuffed inside of your cheeks. Oh! Please don't let me forget to mention the unwanted hair growth. Lovely, isn't it? 

On to mental/emotional effects which include rage, annoyance, irritation, a robotic/vegetated state, and extreme sensitivity with the ability to cry at the drop of a hat ALL for no apparent reason. 

zzz...Sleep? You can say sayonara to deep, restful sleep and say hello to waking up multiple times throughout the night and expect really weird dreams. During the day - you're basically on a roller coaster - SO wired. 

And the most painful of all... EATING and weight gain. You have to be so careful of what you eat while on Prednisone because you can blow up like a hot air balloon. You're supposed to stay away from sodium, carbs, and sugar. So...WTF do you eat?? I ate like a bird and still gained 10 pounds - NOT cool. 




Alas! I am tapering off of Prednisone after 8 very long months. I am beyond relieved. While I've got a long way to go, I'm noticing changes be it physical, mental or emotional. My face is slowly de-swelling; I'm starting to recognize myself in the mirror. I'm finding things funny and laughing obnoxiously again. I'm sleeping throughout the entire night without any help. 

After feeling hideous, irate, restricted and constipated (sorry, TMI but true) for 8 months, I've learned A LOT. Life is really too short so try to make not just every day count, but every moment. I can't wait to feel like I'm dancing when I walk. Sing when I talk. Smile until my facial muscles ache. Eat grapefruit and avocado. Feel and look beautiful, secure, and confident. Dress up and be the life of the party! 




I've had to sacrifice many luxuries that I never knew were luxuries until they suddenly vanished but I'm one of the lucky ones - at least I'm getting them back. If there's anything you can take from this post, it's to cherish and acknowledge all the good you have. 

Ciao until next time. xx Flower

March 01, 2015

Searching For Peace


I had a REALLY bad week a couple of weeks ago. What happened? After several excruciating hours of phone tag, I learned that I do not have cancer. Under normal circumstances, this would be the greatest news! But in my case, it was the most heartbreaking news I've received (after finding out that I had NMO) I had been diligently praying that entire week leading up to the scan that I had cancer as it's the lesser of two evils. When the results were revealed, my soul was crushed.  

In a single moment, my world came crashing down on me. I felt physical pain when I reluctantly realized that I was stuck with NMO forever and that the quality of my future is unknown. I was suffocating with fear, self-pity, loneliness, awful thoughts and disappointment - all things that I had been working so hard to minimize these past 8 months; I felt like a failure.

I came home that night, dropped down to the floor into fetal position, and cried until the puddle of tears was wetting the hair on my head. Then, something mystical happened. I got up, sat in front of my mirror, wiped the tears off my face and had a heart to heart with myself:

"You have been through a lot. You've reached your threshold of what you can handle and that's perfectly okay. You've done an amazing job thus far and will continue to do so but you need a break and it's time to recharge because the world needs you."

And that's when I decided to go on a spiritual exploration. For one month, I'm traveling to Dubai, Bangladesh, Bombay, Singapore, and Bali. The purpose of my trip is to cleanse and replenish my mind, body, and soul. I want to bring obnoxious laughter, courage, and love back into my life. I'm searching for solace and strength and I'm confident I'll find it. I can't wait to come back smiling, feeling revitalized and for my strength to be regenerated. Despite the negativity I'd been feeling, I do feel extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to do something like this. I also can't wait to shut my phone off and disconnect from the internet for a month - May can't come soon enough! ;)