30th Birthday Poem (W/O rhymes)
Photography by Joel Benjamin. Hair & makeup by Bre Welch |
WOW, I’m 30. I could vent about how traumatic my 20s were between losing our family
home to a fire, the devastating series of events that massacred the dynamics of
my nuclear family, getting diagnosed with a rare and incurable illness, or
losing a few friends to premature deaths BUT, I’d rather focus on the quirks
& lesser known things I discovered / experienced over the last 10 years…
The volume of my snoring is not commensurate to my size
At home, you’ll find me sporting colorful muumuus and grannie panties
My mother alleges I have full-blown conversations and practice karate
in my sleep
My skincare regimen includes 8-steps yet I never care to remove
my makeup after a night out
The perfect night includes my blankie, a true crime documentary/Real
Housewives/any JLo movie, and falling asleep before 9 PM 💤
I avoid revolving doors, porta potties, and gutters at all costs
I have emetophobia, misophonia, and arithmomania (look them up)
I have zero tolerance for ignorance, bigotry, misogyny, unsolicited
hatred, and war
If you want to give me a panic attack, show me photos of Mount
Rushmore, the Statue of Liberty, or Christ the Redeemer 😱
My memory is my most powerful weapon
I have a type A personality, value punctuality, and am a woman of
longevity
I spend a lot of time on a daily basis wondering about dinosaurs, how
big the universe is, and Pangea
I will speak in up to 4 different accents (not including my “Harvard voice”) in a single conversation without realizing it 🗣
I am 12.5% Burmese from my mother’s side
I’ve had red, pink, orange, yellow, green, purple, brown, and black
hair
Facebook’s facial recognition thinks I am my mother; I’ll take that as
a compliment
My birth mark is on the tip of my tongue meaning I am privy to
futuristic information 🔮
I love to emulate baby Thumper from Bambi
Wine consumption turns me into an extension of Satan
My dream vacation is to drive through
Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho
Though lactose intolerant, I only eat the cheese on pizza and that
too, with a fork and knife
I am not at all talented in the kitchen. Most of my food is inedible & masked with hot sauce 🤮
I am not at all talented in the kitchen. Most of my food is inedible & masked with hot sauce 🤮
According to my sister, watching me flirt is cringe worthy
At social gatherings, you’ll find me hanging out with kids or dogs
My most prized possessions are my family and my perfume garden
I go out of my way to bark "good morning" to dogs on my walk to
work
I am the proud narrator of an instructional video about digital rectal
exams in the NEJM 💩
There were times when I didn’t think I’d
make it to 30 but I’m here, far from “normal”, content, eccentric, peculiar,
and weirder than ever and I plan to keep it that way. Self-awareness is one of
the most useful gadgets in my toolbox and knowing all these oddities will only
better equip me for the next decade. Shout out to my mom for giving birth to
me! With love, warm hugs, and many hiccup-filled giggles 💗 Sumz
It's beautiful
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