Only a King Will Suffice

"But, you're beautiful! You're smart! You're successful! You're funny! How are YOU single?!"

This is a valid question and one that I oftentimes find myself scratching my head over. My late 20s have welcomed a hilariously horrific string of dating experiences that have led me to wonder, "is it because I'm short... brown... sick... loud?" The truth is, I'm not entirely sure. 

Without getting too fixated on a topic I have strong opinions about, I do believe that modern-day dating, or what I like to call "digital dating", might have something to do with it. This includes "dating" and communicating by way of smartphone apps (no, I'm not on any), social media, and text messaging. I am convinced more than ever that current dating norms stemming from "digital dating" have played significant roles in diminishing courtship, dehumanizing interpersonal dynamics, and essentially equating commitment to a sinkhole.

www.independent.co.uk

This year was the first time that I seriously put myself out there with the genuine intention and hopes of meeting someone worth spending my time and building my life with. In 2018 alone, I've been ghosted, gaslit, lied to, taken advantage of, and led on. 

To the men who have intentionally or unintentionally wronged me, I know you're reading this sitting at the edge of your seat worried that I'll explicitly outline each of your screw ups. Relax, this is not an exposé and you know I'm classier than that. I don't harbor any anger or ill will towards you all. In fact, I forgive you as dating you has gifted me with priceless lessons learned and a reinforcement of values that are now permanently embedded in my internal toolbox. Also, get over yourselves - not everything is about you! (smh)

Nowadays, I only write when I feel inspired which unfortunately, is a rare occurrence. But when I do get that spurt of inspiration, it's really special. This post was inspired by the end of a recent romantic stint that left me feeling surprisingly empowered. Below is a self-contract reclaiming values, standards, and boundaries while reminding myself that I deserve the best  (and so do you!) As my friend Wed says, both healing and growth are processes that should be cherished and enjoyed; it's like peeling a new layer of yourself. With that said, here are some pearls of wisdom acquired from the good, the bad, and the ugly dating experiences of 2018.

I will never (knowingly):

* be a rebound
* be a FwB / FB (figure it out)
* be a back-up
* be a side chick
* be a secret
* be disrespected
* lower my standards
* compromise my boundaries
* settle for mediocrity
* be minimized to a swipe
* ignore red flags
* be embarrassed of my vulnerability
* let a man make me feel like I'm not good enough
* sell myself short 

I will always:

* put me first

* trust my intuition (because she is ALWAYS spot on)

* stay true to myself

* maintain an open heart and an open mind

* make a suitor work for & earn my time, attention, trust, and energy

* be honest

* be positive

* take the high road
* be reasonably patient
* be confident and secure

I admit - I've made many mistakes along the way and let things slide that I shouldn't have. For example, I can't be so naive and trusting of people so quickly. I have to stop putting men I desire on a pedestal just because they appear to be a "good catch". That being said, I have no regrets. Disappointment and experiences have led to invaluable & lifelong lessons learned while making me better equipped for someone who will recognize my worth and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. 

It's high time to change the narrative - from now on, I only want that "ride or die" partner who adds value / feels privileged to be part of my colorful life and accepts / adores for who I am - an unfiltered, lovable, flawed, animated, generous, unique force to be reckoned with. My time is too precious to waste on men who won't commit, respect, and value me. 

I have not become a man hater or jaded and I certainly haven't given up all hope. These experiences have provided me with the golden opportunity to look inward, recalibrate, protect myself, shift the focus, and make space for someone special. Until he comes along, I'm going to continue living my best life and keep bettering myself in all which ways. 

I am a queen and only a king will suffice; nothing less than that. xoS